Existing: Currently our PH housing assignments favors seniority, nuclear family and implications of offspring, and we’ve tried to match described needs and preference as much as possible but that’s never been without the reality of unfairness. There have always been trade offs in our housing assignments, some willingly, some with the grudging acceptance of the needs of community in mind. We acknowledge, awkwardly, the pervasive inequality of our haphazard negotiated system and I am suggesting a fresh approach to housing assignments that may well yield a similar result, but would at least be fully fair for the first time.
Assumptions: We have a finite number of official bedrooms, numbering 7. But based on our current family unit count (includes adult children), we have need for 9. That then puts the den into use and still requires an outdoor space.
Family Units for 2016 (PH XVIII) have been identified thusly:
Anna, Chris, Max
Ea
William and Peter (by mutual choice)
Rob, Paloma ,Quinn
Mim, Jo, Cole
Hayley, Mark, Otis
Stasha
Jenny Jen Jen and John
Avery and Kelly
The proposal: To attempt to democratize how rooms as selected by way of a random lottery of assignment to any one of the 9 identified spaces. Once assigned, the list of matches would be posted on the blog and it would then be the responsibility of the family unit to negotiate for a space other than the one they were assigned, if desired. Rooms can be swapped 1 for 1 or terms may be negotiated for other enticements to make the swap attractive to the affected parties.
If folks are game to try this, I’d post an opening thread and assign each room a number from 1-9. Using an online randomizer (like http://pardomizer.com/) each family unit above would have a number drawn and that would become the room assignment. That list would subsequently be published on the thread and folks would then know where they are assigned and can keep that assignment or contact others to negotiate a swap for whatever terms are attractive to them. It is agreed that outside space and den would still be offered at a discounted rate from the bedrooms.
Editorial: I understand that we wish there were enough sleeping spaces that were equally roomy and attractive. We could also wish that the family units we have could neatly be tucked in the spaces available in a logical way, but that is not the case. It is my belief that randomizing the selection then gives everyone equal access to all of the resources and we can then be loving and generous with our community of family and negotiate a swap for reasons that we are individually choosing and owning, so that no one needs to be concerned that their comfort is coming at the expense of someone else and that all family units are being equally valued.
16 comments:
I see where you are coming from and I do appreciate the thought driving this proposal, but upon reflection, I'm not sure it meets its goal of being more fair than the current system. We don't go to this place because of the sleeping arrangements. We go because we love each other and love spending this time together. It is not that all rooms are equal in sleeping capacity, but some just have better room service (note, that would be awesome). Just randomly assigning rooms to serve as a different starting place for the sake of fairness, before we all have to renegotiate to meet actual needs doesn't make the process more fair because all rooms are not equal in sleeping capacity.
Our current system is not perfect, but it at least starts from a place of attempting to put every body in a bed. I don't see how this new system could be considered more fair than that if a 3-person family unit "wins" the room with the single bed and then has to go on a campaign to secure 2 more sleeping spaces. Seems more like the plot of a reality TV show. :D (note, that could be considered a means to finance this venture in the future).
I realize I'm just off a 28 hour travel odyssey courtesy of Southwest Airlines, so I may be delusional, but wasn't there just a post up here that attempted to draft out sleeping arrangements based on everyone's needs? Did I dream that while on the couch in front of the Nashville airport's Starbucks?
Hi All,
I'm struggling with the proposed suggestion as well. Like Rob, I truly appreciate the effort of trying to get to a place of fairness and want to honor the energy that Ea put into the proposal. And I don't want to discount the desire to do something different so that folks feel that housing can feel more fair to all. Thank you, Ea, for starting a conversation around housing. My comment is going to come with a lot of I-statements. Please don't hesitate to disagree with me.
I fear the implementation of this would make things more difficult and uncomfortable for most involved. One of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to have to figure out the 'value' of a specific room based on the guilt I feel for drawing well, or the panic I feel at drawing poorly.
What if someone who drew an "attractive" room is approached by two different groups who want that room. Is it a bidding war? Meanwhile, as someone who is looking for a room that holds 3 people, if I draw a small room or an outdoor spot, I'm going to immediately start vying for EVERY room that's large enough to hold my family -- hoping that I get SOMETHING that meets my groups' needs. I have just created my scenario of multiple groups vying for the same room. The concept of easy trade is gone, and I knowingly contributed to its demise because of the feeling of scarcity surrounding rooms that meet my group's need.
I fear that all housing conversations will become side conversations and go underground. And while we may initially start from a point of perceived equality, we are not actually starting from a point that is fair. If I were a single individual with a healthy back, then all locations would fill my need and I could take whatever I get. If I were a family of 3 with a bad back involved (I'm not), the locations that meet my need are more scarce. And I could end up with a space that actually does not meet my need. 'Equal' from the start? Yes. 'Fair?' It doesn't feel that way to me. To personalize it to just me: I am in a 'family of 3' situation (no bad back). In this system, I would need to panic and hope that I was one of the first to see the randomizer results on the blog so that I can quickly strike a deal to make sure my needs are met.
I'm not sure where the motivation for this revision came from, but if it stems from a specific situation(s), I suggest that we openly address the situation(s). Our Porter Hill family is very loving, but at times we can be very oblique about asking for what we need/want, and that leaves others to try to interpret or predict. It leads to side and underground conversations that can end up confusing for those not in the side conversation. I admit that I've been involved with plenty of side conversations, in the hopes of being efficient and not involving everyone in every conversation and decision. I would ask that we all be a bit more up front with what we need and want. The group may not be able to fulfill everything, but at least it will be out in the open and clear.
As Rob said, I would love it if all rooms held equal amounts of people and everyone felt that any room could fit their needs. But that's not the case. If we want to acknowledge that some groups get better rooms than others and somehow attach a value to that, perhaps the "better" rooms could come with an extra chore or two per person, or something to that effect. We do discount tenting. Perhaps that discount needs to be deepened? Or if we want to rotate people through the better rooms so no one group camps out in super-swank digs year after year, we can do that too. But I'm not up for striking a deal to know that I have a roof over my head every year.
I do have an even more radical suggestion (though not for this year): let's spend this next year finding a new location that has enough indoor space for everyone.
Thanks for staying with me through this long comment...
xo,
Mim
I concur with Mim and Rob (on most points). I'd much rather discuss and resolve folks' concerns, looking as a group for a solution, than to turn room selection into an opportunity to barter.
What didn't work about last year's arrangement that needs adjustment? I've heard rumors that Chris and Anna will be vanning it? And JAZ will sadly be absent...
I do appreciate the effort to make the process transparent and unbiased, though.
Thanks everyone for these comments- i appreciate the thoughtfulness of everyone, and especially Ea who ventured the idea and proposal to mix up how we choose rooms! I appreciate he "flip chart/sharpie/ try something new' energy. (kinda matching us mixing up the meals this year too). To rob's point- I had initially posted a proposed room list after a brainstorm text session with mim a couple nights ago (with max/ chris in the van or tent and myself (bad back i do have) in a smaller room... ) but just after that- I had a long texting session with EA and took my initial post down after hearing this new idea, liking the mix it up/ lottery for rooms idea. There's something about bringing it all into "transparent and unbiased" realm that Mark mentioned, and being more fair and random. (less emotion). Reading all these comments though- I can see the drawbacks of the "lobbying" that people mentioned, and vying for space etc feels a bit stressful.
When it comes to needs/ wants- personally, I like the idea of being in the twin room downstairs, its an awkward room for most , (and frees up a bigger room which we've had with max in the past).
that twin room allows for having Max inside with me if needed- (max can be in the van sometimes, but i'd love the option to have him inside in case of big rain/ heat, blah blah blah) and having a room somewhere inside suits me so i can have an inside place to keep my bags full of CRAP.
Chris and I are game to go whatever way the group decides. If we don't do the lottery this year, let me just say- i love our family of friends/ choice and the care and thoughtfulness of this conversation. Maybe we can talk about it all when we are in person.
Really look fw to seeing you all. xoxoxo
If there is a big ass tent available, John and I are willing to take it-- does anyone still have one they're willing to bring, or Ea, do you still have one we can grab from you next weekend?
If so, then I propose the following possible arrangement for group consumption:
4 Slots for families of 3, to be managed by mutual agreement between MHO, RPQ, ACM & MJC:
Architects suite
Queen w/ air single mattress (I can bring one)
2 Doubles
the larger single double upstairs w/ offspring sleeping on upstairs couch
The 2 BR with Single beds would go to William, Peter, Millie & Ea in whatever happy configuration they wish
Den to Stasha
smaller double upstairs to Kelly & Avery
If Chris is really excited to sleep in the van and Anna really wants the downstairs singles, then Ea could take one of the doubles upstairs and no offspring sleeps on the couch, but I think this could work.
What say ye?
XOXOXOXO
JJJ
JJJ thank you-
Sorry if I'm dense, but what is the other BR with two singles? (ie: "The 2 BR with Single beds would go to William, Peter, Millie & Ea") i know one is downstairs, but what is the other one? Does the one that william and peter in have two singles now? i thought that was the single/ double you mentioned... (tad confused, sorry!)
my take on rooms:
( bigger rooms with room for offspring)
ARCh suite (up)
Queen (down)
2 Doubles (up)
-----
Single/ Double (up) where peter/wm have been. is this 2 singles now?
2 Twins (down)
Small Double (up)
Double (up/ corner)
Den
------
does this seem right?
For us, yes- I do think the downstairs twins would work well...with the van/ tent component also. This happened once, (and was appreciated).... For folks who camp - if others can help with tent set up/ take down- i think that's awesome and helps offset the 'being outside' part. Ea hasn't chimed back in yet- but if she wants to be in a tent, (i think she prefers that- please chime in EA) I propose to be part of the tent up scene, and welcome others to help do that set up Thurs. I do have a big and small tent at my house and can bring. xo
I have a BAT at my house that I can bring up but won't be able to take away from PH.
I also have my small tent (which will be coming on the road) and two queen air mattresses (one of which I can't take with me).
After conferring with Avery this weekend we both would prefer to tent, as that's all we've ever done. The tricky part for me is that while we can probably pull it off this year, I would need help with someone else storing those resources (at least a BAT and a queen AM), otherwise we won't have those resources next year.
Also, does anyone have a feel for spare bedding that's up there? I know we've pulled stuff up to the hill from the upstairs linen closet, but don't have a sense of whether two outdoor spaces be outfitted for cool nights with what's typically there. If anyone has insight into this, that would be appreciated.
Likewise, in future years, I won't be able to bring two housing units and corresponding bedding, etc. and will need to rely on the kindness and willingness of others to maintain or find another option.
Ea, we're looking as though we'll have 2 cars up there this year, so I think it is safe to say that we could bring your BAT and AM home with us and store it until next year.
Go ahead and take Avery home as well and just store in the garage till next summer. :)
The MJC trio has some good news: Mim is only working 1/2 day on Thurs, so we can come up Thursday afternoon & start the bliss with everyone else. 😃😃😃
Good news, indeed!
I should probably start a new thread, but: BEER?
JJJ: Keg in working order?
I'm happy to order it, though I can't pay for it. Same as last year? 3 kegs--2 IPA, 1 something else?
Whoot!! I'm answering a bunch here,bear with me:
Anna, yes the upstairs room that Peter and William share has 2 singles (used to be double single, but that changed many years ago, unless it has miraculously changed back and I'm unaware, please advise-- Peter? William?) The double bed that used to be in there was moved to the small double upstairs. Something the three of us have done in the past is take the corner double upstairs and have Stasha sleep on the couch that's in the hallway upstairs-- there's little more space in that room for the kiddo to store some of his stuff, it's not a bad arrangement for parents with a somewhat older child. I'm happy to help with tent set up for campers, but you'll have to direct me :-)
Ea: If your SURE you all want to tent, ok, but we are seriously happy to be in the tent, no fooling, if you'd like to be inside this year, just sayin'. Also, if the Sylvans end up space challenged, we can also store BAT and AM and have the truck, so either way, we're covered there, and can also happily grab from you this weekend so you don't have to transport if that makes things easier for you (we have 2 cars and a truck coming this year). There does seem to be plenty of sheets and several extra blankets in the house, but I'll also bring a couple of blankets/quilts just in case.
We would be more than happy to store Avery as well until next Summer, but expect he might have something to say about THAT.
yay!!! More MIM!!!!
Beerking: YES! kegerator is working well, cleaned and ready to go, and should be arriving Thursday night. John can pick up the first keg on the way in on Thursday night, I'm happy to help front the funds and do scheduled store runs thereafter. I won't drink the beer, but John says the IPA is fine.
3 Slots for families of 3, to be managed by mutual agreement between MHO, RPQ, & MJC:
Architects suite
Queen w/ air single mattress (I can bring one) OR larger upstairs double and offspring sleeps on upstairs couch
2 Doubles upstairs
The 2 BR with Single beds would go to William, Peter, upstairs, Anna & co downstairs
Ea, Avery & Kelly are tenting (unless they change their minds and want to do differently, as they are welcome to do, especially as they have been such willing campers for so many years, and John and I are very willing to camp in their stead)
There are 2 more rooms left, with just John, Stasha & I to take them, assuming campers are truly devoted to camping (they may change their minds at any time)
The 2 rooms left would be taken by the 3 of us, leaving the den open at all times, unless folks change their minds.
Weigh in, where do y'all want to sleep?
Thanks to all for the thoughtful considerations going into this. If RPQ could have the same room as we have had that would be ideal. It is a known entity that works for that kiddo.
This post and comments should be in a sociology or organizational psychology textbook! Brava to Ea for starting a tough conversation with an innovative idea. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to join the conversation. I've been self-indulgent this week and Mark has kept me in the loop. I had assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that one motivator for Ea's original proposal was her desire to sleep in the house this year, particularly with the epic road trip ahead of her (and William!). So I was surprised to hear that she (you, if you're reading!) had decided to tent it with Avery (btw, is Kelly coming?). I would be interested in continuing to work out a solution with Ea being in the house if that need is in the picture. Thanks to all for the good thinking and honesty on a hard subject.
I had assumed the same!! I, also dearly love our "tougher" conversations (I wish every interaction in my personal life was so healthy and mutually respectful/caring). Love you all dearly, and still very willing to change things up if anyone decides they don't want to camp. I am physically flexible this year if somewhat mentally challenged, so can accommodate whatever needs to happen. I think we are amply covered unless someone is desirous of a different situation and is shy about asking for it-- if that's the case, I hope they will chime in! I'm certain we will figure it out!
Also, I believe Kelly is coming!
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